• Agile Coach

Psychological Language Safety: 9 tips to stay constructive (2/3)

On humor and sarcasm. Opinions versus facts. These language habits will help you stay out of trouble. To ensure Psychological Language Safety in your team as well. To build trust. To achieve that, it helps to replace risky language with safe language. Because the safer it is, the more risk you can take. Think of it as skydiving: the better your instructor, safer the equipment, better the training… the more dangerous the jump you can make. Doing a tandem jump?

• 3 x Practical tips for more nuance in language
• 3 x Psychologically safe handling of language and emotions
• 3 x Clear language habits about needs

Psychologically safe handling of language and emotions

Most decisions are emotional. Long toes or a sensitive string can give a rational conversation a very strange twist. These are language tips for making feelings work for you, rather than against you.

1. Express feelings without using the verb “feel.”
   Real feelings don’t need that verb. You can say, “You called me lazy and that made me angry.” By doing so, you express your feelings clearly. Expressing feelings is crucial because it helps discover needs. Both your needs and the needs of others. It just doesn’t work if you disguise demands as feelings with the verb “feel. An example: “<irritated sigh> I feel like I can’t count on you.” By doing so, you are not expressing feelings. You are demanding obedience and putting quite a bit of emotional pressure on them as well. To express your feelings, it’s better to say, “When I saw you hadn’t updated that sheet, I was irritated. We had agreed and I would like to be able to count on that.”
   
   
2. Humor is fine, sarcasm almost always hurts.
   You may have a habit of using sarcasm when something goes wrong. It could be a sincere attempt to make things more lighthearted. Someone spills coffee and you say, “Watering your keyboard? Is it growing well?” It might be funny to yourself and to some bystanders. But now imagine the embarrassment and frustration you feel when you destroy your most important piece of equipment with a cup of coffee. What you really need in that situation is comfort or empathy. Sarcasm would almost certainly make you even angrier at yourself and everyone else.
   
   
3. Convey your judgments as an opinion, not a fact.
   When you judge, make sure it comes across as your opinion and not a scientific fact. Instead of saying, “Yellow is an ugly color,” say, “I think yellow is an ugly color.” The feeling you have about a fact is relevant. It puts you on the track of what is important to you. But you only get on that track if you formulate it as an opinion.

What are the 3 tips on Psychological Language Safety and Needs?

Tip of the hat: why questions, people vs actions and requests. Curious? I’m happy to share it all with you in this subsequent blog on Psychological Language Safety.

Curious about many more insights, tips and theories on Psychological Safety? Follow Scrum Academy’s online channels in the April theme month: building trust.